Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize