I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
