Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
