Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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