Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
