sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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