It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
