i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
