Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
