I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
