My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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