dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
