I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
