I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
