How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
