I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
