dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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