Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
