last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
