I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
whose parrot is this?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
