but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
