well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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