I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
