This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize