sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
