Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am available for nakedness
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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