break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
