well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
