i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
