and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
