theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
