I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
