I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is wine microwaveable?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
