God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
