Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
