ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dignity is for republicans.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize