i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
