is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize