Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
