I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
