Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
