Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize