so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
