My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
