Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
