Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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