just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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