I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
