Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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