well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
