theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
