i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
