Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
