dude i'm inner monologue high
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The air was thick with penises
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
