wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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