Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
