Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
