My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Pooping to opera.
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