yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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