omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
