the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
