Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
