I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
