She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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