her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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