i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
