Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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