Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As shirtless as possible
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
